You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
