I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude i'm inner monologue high
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize