I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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