the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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