Porn is love you can see.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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