I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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