And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
