Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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