i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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