Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
