Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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