He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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