curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
