I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
