she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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