I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize