I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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