She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
