I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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