I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
