pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
