Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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