I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
