I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize