i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
