when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
