i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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