Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
where are my eyebrows?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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