hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize