I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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