Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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