My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
