Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
