gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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