we're blogging at a bar
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
