I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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