Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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