he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
