I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
