THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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