i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
