I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
