He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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