billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
