Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
