Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
God, I missed his penis.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
