he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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