Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
