i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
