I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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