Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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