he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
