You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
