Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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