i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize