i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
