when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
