I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
