I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
