I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
