Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
