A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
