i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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