I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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