elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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