can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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