I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
