loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize