Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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