my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
