my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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