I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
