I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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