It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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