She's JV to your varsity
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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