I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
