Got a toothbrush?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Come on in and take your pants off
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