she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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