You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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