hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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