I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
