Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
