You can't special order awesome
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize