oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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