How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
