Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
