Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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