well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
