I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize