My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
