"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
