I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
