I'm jealous of your bromance
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
